Grief Isn’t Linear: Understanding the Ongoing Nature of Loss
The Myth of “Moving On”
Grief is often misunderstood. Society tends to expect a beginning, middle, and end—like a neat timeline we’re supposed to follow. But real grief doesn’t work that way.
You may feel okay one day and overwhelmed the next. Anniversaries, smells, songs, or seasons can bring the pain back like it just happened. That’s not regression. That’s being human.
Why Grief Comes in Waves
Grief doesn’t follow stages—it moves like waves. Sometimes it’s gentle, other times it crashes over you. These waves can be triggered by:
Birthdays or anniversaries
Life milestones without the person
Everyday reminders like places, food, or routines
Unexpected emotional or sensory memories
This unpredictability is part of the grief process—not a sign of failure.
You Don’t “Get Over” Grief—You Learn to Live With It
Grief isn’t something to conquer. It becomes a part of your story. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting—it means integrating the loss into your life in a way that allows you to move forward with meaning.
You might:
Revisit emotions long after you thought they’d gone
Discover new layers of grief as your life changes
Feel conflicting emotions like sadness and joy at the same time
This is all valid. Healing isn’t about erasing pain—it’s about making space for it without letting it define you.
How to Support Yourself Through Ongoing Grief
✅ Acknowledge It Without Shame
There’s no expiry date on grief.
👉 Try this: Say to yourself, “It’s okay to still feel this.”
✅ Practise Gentle Self-Care
Grief takes a toll—physically, emotionally, spiritually.
👉 Try this: Rest, nourish yourself, and allow time to slow down when waves hit.
✅ Express Grief in Your Own Way
There’s no ‘right’ way to grieve. Some people journal, others walk, create, or cry.
👉 Try this: Honour your feelings in whatever way feels authentic.
✅ Let Go of the Timeline
Healing doesn’t look the same for everyone.
👉 Try this: Stop comparing your process to others or your past self.
✅ Reach Out When Needed
You don’t have to carry this alone. Talking helps lighten the emotional load.
👉 Try this: Share with someone who can hold space without trying to fix you.
How Therapy Can Help with Grief
Counselling offers support for:
Processing complicated or unresolved grief
Navigating guilt, anger, or numbness
Finding meaning after a profound loss
Reconnecting with life after bereavement
Whether the loss was recent or many years ago, therapy provides a space to feel seen and supported without judgment.
Final Thoughts: Grief Evolves, But Never Disappears
You’re not doing it wrong if grief revisits you. There’s no deadline, no checklist, and no shame in missing someone forever. With time, support, and compassion, you can carry your loss with love rather than pain.
📞 Are you navigating a loss that still feels heavy? I offer grief counselling in Birmingham to support you through the ongoing journey of healing.
👉 Visit www.integrativecounsellingbirmingham.co.uk to book a session today.
