Self-Sabotage: Why We Get in Our Own Way (And How to Stop)

What Is Self-Sabotage?

Self-sabotage happens when our actions conflict with our goals. We want to succeed, feel confident, or connect with others—but then do things that get in the way. It can look like:

• Procrastinating on important tasks

• Doubting your achievements

• Avoiding opportunities out of fear

• Overcommitting or burning out

• Starting strong but losing momentum

Often, this isn’t about laziness or weakness—it’s about protection.

Why We Self-Sabotage: The Hidden Roots

Self-sabotage is often rooted in:

• Fear of failure – "If I don’t try, I can’t fail."

• Fear of success – "What if I can’t maintain this?"

• Imposter syndrome – "I don’t deserve this."

• Low self-worth – "I’m not good enough."

• Early life experiences – Being criticised, overlooked, or rewarded only for achievement

These beliefs operate under the surface, keeping us “safe” by holding us back from risk, disappointment, or vulnerability.

How Self-Sabotage Shows Up in Daily Life

You might catch yourself:

• Setting unrealistic goals and then giving up

• Criticising yourself for not doing “enough”

• Repeating patterns in relationships that leave you unfulfilled

• Talking yourself out of things you truly want

The first step is awareness—naming the pattern breaks its power.

Strategies to Stop Self-Sabotage

✅ Name the Inner Critic
Get to know the voice that holds you back.
👉 Try this: Ask, “Whose voice is this?” and “Is it true?”

✅ Practise Self-Compassion
Harsh self-talk reinforces sabotage. Kindness builds motivation.
👉 Try this: Say, “I’m allowed to take up space and make mistakes.”

✅ Break Goals into Tiny Steps
Overwhelm fuels avoidance. Small wins build trust in yourself.
👉 Try this: Focus on the next small step—not the whole staircase.

✅ Notice When You’re Avoiding Discomfort
Procrastination often masks fear.
👉 Try this: Ask, “What am I afraid will happen if I follow through?”

✅ Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection
Progress is made in the messy middle.
👉 Try this: Reflect on what’s gone well this week—even small wins.

How Therapy Helps Break the Cycle

In counselling, you can:

• Explore the roots of self-defeating behaviours

• Understand how past experiences shape your current patterns

• Build new narratives around worth, safety, and success

• Learn to take aligned action with confidence

Therapy offers a space to challenge self-limiting beliefs and build emotional resilience.

Final Thoughts: You Deserve to Thrive, Not Just Survive

Self-sabotage doesn’t mean you’re broken—it means there’s a part of you trying to protect yourself. With support, awareness, and new strategies, you can step out of the cycle and into self-trust.

📞 Tired of getting in your own way? I offer therapy in Birmingham to help you overcome self-sabotage and move forward with clarity and confidence.
👉 Visit www.integrativecounsellingbirmingham.co.uk to book a session today.